I stood naked and slightly shivering in the chilly morning air. My bare feet crossed the linoleum floor and I poured my cat a bowl of food. She jumped gracefully down from the cedar hope chest at the foot of my bed when she heard the kibble rattle into her metal dish. She gave her customary greeting as she passed by, a gentle caress against my leg, then continued on to her breakfast where she sat and began to eat in her regal manner. Sometimes, it is the little things that keep us going.
A long, hot shower washed away the last of the nightmares and I was beginning to calm down. The house was quiet and the children were off to school. It had been an easy morning.
I dressed and walked out to the kitchen to fix myself breakfast. I felt like having a gourmet morning! A toasted wheat bagel topped with thick slices of juicy tomato, melted Swiss, just a hint of mayonnaise, Chipotle sauce and onion powder, coupled with a steaming hot cup of coffee with a spoon full of honey and fat free milk poured into my favorite mug. I arranged my vegetarian breakfast neatly on the table, enjoying the way the deep brown and cream place setting and coaster looked against the dark green table cloth, accented by rich mahogany furniture. Across from me, I gazed at a magnificent bronze sculpture, “the Lovers” by Hippolyte Moreau. The luxurious shades of warmth with burgundy and green patina made my spirits lift even more. A russet fruit bowl filled with apples and bananas sat gracefully on a beautiful table runner that was a few shades lighter green than the cloth and accented with lovely soft purples. I looked across the small dining area to the living room that shared the space. Marble topped mahogany furniture, everything elegant and neat. The two matching end tables each held a bronze sculpture that I had wonderful memories of selecting. Auburn and chocolate lamps adorned each, along with family photographs. The one closest to me held a scented candle. The entertainment center contained a display of precious items that had belonged to my Grandmother, passed away a year ago, some pottery in earth tone colors, and a flower centerpiece of burgundy and cream. The camel colored furniture held throws, a thick Woolrich blanket on the rocking chair. A Persian rug centered the marble coffee table top. I seemed to notice every small detail around me, every color and every shade of color. Yes, this home is small. But it is decorated in a most charming way. It is clean, it is paid off and most importantly… It is mine.
I sat down and took a moment to appreciate the tranquility purchased by keeping a nice, tidy home. Oh yes, it is all about the little things. Taking life not simply one day at a time, but one moment at a time, and relishing the seemingly miniscule things that most take for granted. My morning seemed to glow… My morning.
I had no husband to clean up after. The house would stay as spotless as I kept it. No extra chores, no angry words thrown at me as I reminded him that I was neither his personal maid nor his mother, nothing to do except what I wanted… My day.
I savored every bite of my sandwich, cleared my dishes, brushed my teeth, put on my two pairs of sunglasses in hopes of avoiding a headache from the excessively bright sun being reflected off the snow, and went outside.
It ended up being a more difficult day than I would have liked because of my husband’s refusal to talk about it when I went to the prison and attempted to have him agree to an uncontested divorce. I will now potentially have to pay thousands of needless dollars extra and be drug through painful litigation. I had honestly wanted to be kind. Funny to want to give kindness to a man who, only just a couple months ago, wanted to take my life because I no longer wanted to be in his. And yet I did. It is my personality at my very core to simply not be mean. (I am the type to rescue a spider from going down the drain when I realized it wasn’t lint and, dripping wet with a spider in my bare hand, let it go outside.) And yet somehow, it is alright. Today, everything was just alright. Today, and every day, would belong to me.
On Sunday, my best had friend called. We talked for a time and she put things into perspective as she always does, giving me that reality check that nobody else could because she knows me better than anyone else does. Today, I felt so much better. Nothing could have bothered me today. My best friend has been steadfast for over a decade. My children are so sweet and good and my boyfriend’s text messages and telephone calls always make me smile. It reminds me that I am genuinely loved by others who I love back.
There will be times that it hurts, times it is hard. But today, I know that everything will simply be alright in the end.